Why You Join Girl Scouts
by deeply-immortal
Summary: May is depressed because she can't win a contest, so she decides to try her luck at Girl Scouts. Now, May has to suffer with Harley, her troop leader, and over 10 insane Girl Scouts, while Drew and Max fight for Harley's love.
1. The Discovery

**A/N: I know I don't support tensionshipping but my friend who does convinced me, so I wrote this with with my friend's help. So...my friend gets 50 of the credit. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own pokemon. But I do own all of the girl ****scouts.

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May was crying on the way home from her latest failure with Drew. It had been five months since she had won a Pokemon Contest; her repetitive loses affecting both her self esteem and her mental health.**

"I'll never enter a contest again! Never!" she sobbed, barely able to walk in pace with Drew, who was practically holding her up from the ground. She had been having this emotional break down for the past hour.

"You just have to practice more, you'll win next time." said Drew, though he didn't really believe it. She was getting progressively worse.

"There won't be a next time Drew. I'm never entering another contest again for as long as I live and love!" said May.

Drew nodded, pretending to understand. May was practically choking on her words. Harley had won the contest that she had just entered. May was struggling from the beginning of the contest, setting half the arena on fire during the preliminary rounds and facing Harley during the battle stages. He beat her after his first move with his weakest pokemon without suffering any damage. May had run out of the building in shame and horror while Harley accepted his new ribbon. It was after the ceremony that May hunted down Harley backstage. She demanded a rematch, which Harley denied, sending May spiraling into insanity. May insulted the cookies Harley had made, saying that she had lied when he had asked if she had liked them or not.

"I never liked your cookies! They were the most vial, disgusting things on this planet!" she screamed, in front of the judges and the last of the burnt people leaving the arena. Well, if there is one thing you don't say to Harley, it's that you don't like his food. He had slapped May across the face before casually leaving, sashaying out the door. May had to be held back by Brock, Ash, and Drew to keep her from attacking Harley. Drew kept his girlfriend inside until he was sure that Harley had made it out of harm's (May's) way.

May's crying went on until her and Drew were just down the street from May's house. May had broken away from Drew, shuffling down the street like a drunk. Keeping her eyes on the ground, she walked this way until she found herself crashing into a telephone pole. She crumpled to the ground in deep depression, while Drew took his time to see if she was alright. Her whining was getting on his nerves.

A bright neon green piece of paper on the telephone pole that sported some blood from May's nose caught Drew's eye. Pushing May over a little with his foot, he read:

Join the girl scouts today! Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! We make gingerbread cookies for all ginger bread cookies out there! We offer courses like musical chairs! Because that game rocks! Weeeeeeeeeeee! So yeah! Join now you silly goose pimples! Please call: 1-800-COO-KIES today! Toodles for now!

Drew searched the strange flier of a name, but couldn't find one. It was probably put up by some old lady with too many cats and free time. Just perfect for someone he knew.

"Hey May, have you ever been a Girl Scout before?" Drew asked, looking down at the girl bleeding on the ground.

It took a minute, but May managed to pull herself up off the ground.

"A what?" she asked, wiping her bloody nose on Drew's sleeve. She had never heard of Girl Scouts before. It sounded dangerous.

"A Girl Scout." said Drew, trying to hide his disgust. "You know, they sell extremely expensive cookies and visit old people and play musical chairs. It's…fun."

"Really!" exclaimed May, gazing at the flier and forgetting that she was horrible at playing the game of life, let alone something to do with chairs. "It sounds awesome!"

"Well, maybe you should sign up!" suggested Drew, ripping the paper off of the pole and handing it to May. This could be good for May, something to keep her mind off of her contests. He guided May to her house and left her on the porch, absorbed in the flier and the new opportunity to find herself in the world. On the way back to his hotel room, Drew wondered why he was going out with May at all. Other than the fact that May was a danger to herself, Drew could care less. But the whole affair had been May's idea anyways.

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**I know, it was kindda boaring, but it gets more humerous as it continues. Trust me. Anway, don't forget to review! Flames Welcome!**


	2. Denile and Sign Ups

Max was in his room by his Jirachi Shrine, holding a candle and mourning the death of his dearest friend when he heard May come in the front door, yelling something about musical chairs. Max wondered whether or not May even knew what "musical chairs" was. He bowed to the homemade statue of Jirachi before blowing out the candle and walking down the stairs.

"But Mom, what could be more fun than selling expensive cookies? And you can sell them to old people, so then they get cookies instead of the medications they need to stay alive!" explained May to her parents. Her mother looked appalled, her father was nodding in agreement. Norman did have a very sick side to him. He used to play ding-dong-ditch himself when he was a young boy, causing many heart attacks back in the day.

"But sweetie, couldn't you join a more morally-correct club? Like the Art Society? Or the Knitting Club? Or Future World Dictators Social Order?" asked her mother. She had grown up in the ghetto, so she had never been a girl scout before. "And what about your contests?"

"Contests-Shomtests. I don't need those! They were corrupt from the beginning." said May, dismissing the idea with a casual wave of her hand.

Max was sitting on the stairs, watching the discussion. He would hate to never watch a contest again, but he also couldn't blame May for quitting. She was a really bad coordinator after all.

"Oh Caroline, let May sign up for Girl Scouts." Norman said, still reliving the time when he had jumped out from the bushes by a sidewalk and scared an old man enough to cause him to fall into a nearby river and drown. "I'm sure it's quite educational."

"Oh alright! Hold your Horseas!" said Caroline, picking up the phone and dialing the number.

"Strange number." said Caroline, waiting for whomever to pick up.

"Talk to me." said a voice from the other line, sounding very…gay.

"Um, hello. Is this where I call to sign up for girl scouts?" asked Caroline, feeling a little bit insecure.

"Oh, yes! It is!" squealed the voice in delight.

"Uh, I'd like to sign up my daughter, May."

"Last name, miss?"

"I…I forget."

"Oh. Well, me too."

"So…Where do I drop her off?"

"In my motel room! Located at the edge of the very busy and dangerous highway!"

"Ok, what time?"

"Um, at 13 o' clock I got an appointment…So, how 'bout four AM tomorrow?"

"B-But tomorrow's a s-school day!"

"Well lemme tell you somethin' hun. You gatta make sacrifices to be a girl scout. It's hard and serious work. You halfta drop outa school. I did, and look how I turned out!"

"I can't see you though."

There was a long pause.

"See ya tomorrow, then!"

The line went dead. Caroline hung up the phone, a little shaken and concerned.

"You're all set now May." said Caroline, pulling some pajamas out of the dryer and handing them to May.

"Great!" said May, examining the pajamas. "What do you want me to do with these? Are pajamas the uniform?" asked May.

"No," said Caroline. "You have to get up at four in the morning, now go to bed!" Her mother returned to staring out the window at nothing.

May ran up the stairs, trampling her brother on the way to her room. Max picked up his broken glasses and made his way back to his room, wondering if his parents would make him be a girl scout too. Hopefully not, Jirachi needed to be worshipped every hour on the hour. He wouldn't have the time.


	3. Girl Scouts: The First Day

**Alright, this is where it gets a little confising becasue this is whear we intoduce all the girls scouts. This chapter is mostly revolved around them, becasue they have to introduce themselves. But don't worry, every one has a...unique personality that makes the story a little more funny and interesting. **

**Disclaimer: Yes. I definately own pokemon. (and if you believe me then you're beyond my help)**

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"May, May…May? Wake up!" whispered Max, trying to wake his sister gently. May wasn't an early riser like he and Brock were. When they were traveling, Ash and May had to be practically dragged out of their sleeping bags in order to get them to gyms. Max and Brock had thought on many occasions just to leave them there for Team Rocket or the wild pokemon

After about ten minutes of this, Max "accidentally" let his Jirachi prayer candle slip from his hand and land on May's bed. Walking out of her room, he waited outside her door for the screams. When May came running out of her room to her parents, Max calmly went back in to the burning bed and ordered May's Squirtle to put out the inferno.

It was a good thing May's mom was having road rage today; otherwise May could have been late for her first Girl Scout meeting. They pulled into the drive way of a previous Motel 6, though some neon green paint had converted it into Motel Harley. Stepping out of her mom's florescent pink Hummer, May ran over to the door that said "Girls Scouts Enter Here!" She knocked twice and waited for an answer.

Someone could be heard giggling on the other side of the wall, and the window in the door slid opened, revealing a pair of green eyes. "Password!" the pair of eyes asked.

"Um…open sesame?" said May, who was for some odd reason feeling out of the loop.

"No, silly! It's pretty pretty princess!"

"Ok. Pretty pretty princess!"

"Hm, very well. You have proven yourself worthy of entering."

The door clicked, and swung open, with a…man and or woman standing on the other side, one hand placed on his hip.

"Welcome to the girl scout meeting!" said the…thing, waving its arms around in the air like a moron. May thought this person looked familiar.

May was about to say something, when a six-year-old boy ran up to the door. "Join the Camdenist Party! Future political party and world domination group! With me! Your leader, Camden! Join us…" said Camden in a creepy whisper handing her a card, then running back into the room to sit down with two other girls who were playing patty cake.

"Well anyway, I'm Harley! The girl scout leader!" introduced Harley. "Come in!" He gestured to the rest of the motel room.

There was a small table that looked like it was about to give in any moment in the corner of the room, and over its edge was a sign with "Arts and Crafts" written very poorly on it with crayon. There was a small white refrigerator in the other corner, with pictures of Harley taped to it with scotch tape. The bed was up against the wall, and it was ripped right down the center. There was also a large crack in the wall, making it so you could somewhat see what the people next to him were doing. Normal people probably wouldn't look through it, but Harley spent most of his time spying on his neighbors, taking their photos, and selling them on EBay saying they were super secret agents. Strangely, people seemed to believe him and he made millions, even though he still sleeps in a crappy motel room.

Max cautiously entered after his mother and sister, a little afraid the ceiling would cave in. Harley smiled at him before turning his attention to May and her mother. Max was fascinated with this strange man, or at least he though Harley was a man.

May was over with the three other children, all of whom were under the age of eight. But though they were younger, they were all a lot smarter and more talented than May was, or ever will be, which May would discover later.

Harley was making May's mom sign a large amount of important looking but ultimately unnecessary papers. It felt a lot to Caroline like buying a city or something. More kids arrived, but Harley paid no attention to them. He led Caroline and Max to the door. May's mom ran to the Hummer, while Max had to be pushed out of the room. Harley turned around, smiling down at his troop. He had May right where he wanted her. Or almost did, they weren't in a circle yet. He made them form a perfect circle, which took about five minutes by itself.

"Okay kiddies! Let's go around and introduce ourselves!" said Harley, sitting down between Camden and May.

"Ladies first!" said Camden.

"Okay!" said Harley. "Well, my name is Harley,"

"Hi Harley!" said the group of kids. May thought this felt like a support group. Harley blushed at all the attention.

"I am a pokemon coordinator, who has a passion for baking and cross-country skiing." said Harley. "Who's next?"

"Oh! I have something!" said Camden, bouncing in his seat.

"I think everyone has heard quite enough from you already young lady!" said Harley, turning to the next girl. "And you are?"

The girl next to Camden was playing footsies with one of the other girls, not really paying attention.

"I'm Jacque." she said to no one in particular. "I like making people cry."

"_Really?_ Oh my god so do I!" exclaimed Harley. Jacque glared at him. The next girl was drawing designs in the carpet with a sharpie.

"I'm Lily, and I draw good." she said, not taking her eyes off the ground.

Harley leaned across the circle to get a better look at her very depressing-looking drawing. "I see that." he said. The next girl was waiting for her turn.

"Well, my name is Robin. I didn't have the time to write up a speech, so I have nothing to say." she said, looking sheepish.

Harley nodded and turned to the next child. The next girl was munching on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, carelessly getting crumbs all over Lily's drawing.

"Hi, my name is Mary, and if my last name was Christmas, then my name would be Mary Christmas!" said Mary, bursting out into laughter from her joke, while everyone else stared at her with concern.

Harley just sat there, not getting the joke. "Hm, well I'm Jewish." he stated for no apparent reason, even though truthfully he wasn't even Jewish. Mary stared at him with a shocked look on her face.

"Oh my gosh! I'm sorry if I insulted your religion!" she said, hoping that he would forgive her. Harley paused.

"What's…religion?" he asked with a puzzled expression. Mary looked around nervously.

"Oh, nothing…" she said as she began to munch on her sandwich again.

"HI MY NAME IS KELLY!!!!" yelled the next girl, causing Harley to fall over in surprise and May to start crying.

"So I've heard." said Harley, sitting up again.

"HOW ARE YOU?" she asked, still speaking more loudly than required.

"I'm okay, thank you hun." said Harley, happy the girl had manners.

"I DON'T CARE!!!!" she yelled, slapping Mary on the back, causing her to choke and drop her sandwich, which Lily began to draw on.

"Anyways," said Harley. "What do you like about yourself and your abilities?"

"Um…" Kelly though about her answer thoroughly. "My fingers are conjoined." she said, showing a perfectly normal looking hand off to the circle. Harley gasped and passed out on the floor dramatically. Camden got up, poked Harley with a stick, and declared a state of rebellion against society.

It took Harley a minute to come to, but the room was covered in throw up and sharpie when he did wake up. Harley shrugged, wiping some barf off of his pants. He got the kids back in a circle. Then he went down to the police station next door and got the rest of the girl scouts. Camden returned in handcuffs and a muzzle.

"So," said Harley. "Let's start where we left off!"

The next Girl Scout looked like Camden did, not a lot like a girl.

"My name is Scott, and," he said, before being cut off by Harley.

"You can't be a girl scout, I'm sorry." said Harley, pushing Scott out the door. A few seconds later there was a loud crash, and sirens followed. Harley kept everyone in a circle. _They can prove nothing_, Harley thought.

Two of the girls were reading something out of Lily's binder, which she always had handy. The one with huge hair was rolling around with laughter and the one with regular hair was throwing up in fits of giggles. Harley got up and looked over their shoulders.

"What choo reading?" he asked, trying to find his contact lenses.

"Fanfiction!" said the one with big curly hair answered. "I'm Julia!"

"Hello!" said the other one. "My name is Harry Potter!" she said, before pulling Harley away from the circle.

"But that's not really my name, I can't be a wizard. I'm a girl!" she whispered. "You kindda look like a wizard though. You have a funny hat!"

This girl was making Harley very self conscience, so he pushed her back into the group.

"Okie dokie! Whose next?" asked Harley, looking at the rest of the kids. A girl was huddled slightly away from the rest of the girl scouts; she didn't look like she wanted to be there.

"I'm Danielle, and my adult figure made me come. You look funny." she said, without smiling. It was making Harley feel very uncomfortable. Smiling uneasily at the group, he was knocked off balance when someone screamed. At least, he guessed it was a scream, he wasn't sure.

"HELLO!!!!!" "screamed" one of the girls, who was extremely tall. "My name's Coco! Nice to meet you!" she said, sounding almost as dramatic as Harley always was. "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!" she said, though Harley didn't know if she was speaking English or not.

"A pleasure to meet your acquaintance, Miss Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaah." Harley said, turning to the next scout. "And who might you be little child?" The girl was playing with some toy dinosaurs.

"These are my pet dragons, I swear!" she said, a panicky look on her face.

Harley was confused. "I never said they weren't. What's your name?"

"Me?" she asked, becoming very relaxed. "Well, this is Horecrow, and this is Midshinestair," she pointed to the toy dinosaurs. "And my name is Caroline."

"Welcome." said Harley, picking up the dinosaurs, pretending to be interested, and then throwing them out the door. A car alarm went on outside. Ellen and Coco screamed, while Lily got up and did some hardcore dance moves.

"Mosh pit!!!" she yelled, hitting Camden over the head. Mary was trying to crowd surf by herself. Camden was threatening a law suit.

A girl ran up to Harley after fighting to get away from the punching and such violence. "I'm Yujun Jang." she said, looking up hopefully at Harley. He wondered whether she wanted a dog biscuit or not.

"Um…could you repeat that?" he asked, not knowing what she had said or how she had pronounced it.

"Yujun Jang."

"What?"

"Y-U-J-U-N." she said. She was doubting the IQ of this certified girl scout leader.

"Okay, you know what Youjummn. Your new name is Amy!" Harley said, feeling very happy with his decision.

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**Well, there you have it. See how insane they are? Well, next chapter they get to pick out their uniforms!!! Until next time! R&R!**


	4. Uniforms and the Spy

**Disclaimer: My master does not own Pokemon, but apparently she does own me, one of the Girl Scouts under the rule, excuse me, leadership of Harley.**

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After serving snack, some of Harley's famous cookies, he decided to fit them for their new uniforms.

"Ok! _I _am an individual! So why don't you all be individuals?" he said. "But don't look like me, because that's not being individual." he added quickly. He opened up his closet which was filled with all this unnecessary crap that he probably got from a 60's convention.

"Hmm…Oh! I know who I want to be!" cried Mary, waving her arm around.

"Ok, pick out your costume!" said Harley. Mary smiled made her way over to the closet, taking out her costume.

"I'm going to try it on!" she declared, walking into the bathroom. After about 10 minutes, Mary came out dressed up like a peanut and jelly sandwich.

"Don't I look stunning?" she asked, twirling around.

Kelly shoved Mary out of the way, diving into the closet. "It smells like perfume in here!" she said, waltzing out as a Kelly. She was dressed exactly the same as she was about two seconds ago.

"Nice costume!" said Harley. "You wanna give it a go Caroline?"

Caroline armed herself with a knife and entered the closet. She came out in a huge pink gown and a funny thing on the top of her hat.

"I'm a pretty pretty princess!" she yelled, trying to stab Lily with her now bloody knife.

"Hmm…Lemme pick el costume!" cried Julia, charging into the closet. A minute later, Julia came out as a vacuum cleaner and began chasing Ellen.

"You're dirty! Lemme **_clean your face_**!" screamed Julia.

"No! Get away you IDIOT!" pleaded Ellen. All of the sudden the whole room got quiet, and Caroline gasped.

"You said the _I_ word!" she said, nearly choking on her words.

"My ears! My perfect fragile ears! I've been _scarred_!" cried Harley, beating Camden over the head in his depression.

"Um, can I pick a costume?" asked May, sitting on the floor with her legs crossed like an angel.

"Oh, I forgot you were here..." admitted Mary.

"Well, I'm the life of the party, so, yeah!" May said, marching into the closet.

It was very dark in Harley's closet, May couldn't see very much. Her foot caught on something spiky. She fumbled for a light switch, found one, and ripped the spiked collar and boots off of her skin. There were some dresses and many copies of Harley's usual attire. May tried on one of Harley's Cacturn hats for fun. She found an empty soda fountain and put her head through it. When she found that she couldn't get it back out, she decided this would be her unique costume. Grabbing some soda bottles from the tiny refrigerator, she made her way back to the circle.

"OH, what a cool costume May!" said Harley.

All of a sudden, all of the girl scouts lined up in front of May.

"Yeah, I'll have a Diet Pepsi." said Camden, placing a cup under May's mouth. May was about to protest, but a rapid stream of Pepsi shot out of her mouth.

"Thanks." said Camden, sitting down on the floor next to Harley.

Kelly ran over to Camden and tried to smash his drink in his face, but got Pepsi all over Harley instead.

"Pepsi is so evil." she said, getting some Coke from the May soda fountain. May found it odd that soda was coming out of her mouth.

Harley tried not to retaliate, walking into the extra small bathroom. His shoes were all brownish now. He pulled out his handy-dandy Tide To Go stick and tried to be rid of the Pepsi stain. Max was looking through the window, taking pictures now and again. His mother had forgotten to take him home.

Harley was about to use the toilet when he noticed a very young boy looking in his window. He was May's little brother. Moving very slowly, Harley reached down into the magazine rack. Before Max knew what had hit him, he was falling off of the bow he had positioned under Harley's window. The window had shattered when Harley had thrown his 10,000 page dictionary at him. Max started crying, he had only been innocently spying on a love interest!

Harley shuddered in disgust, prancing back to his bedroom. The other scouts had already picked out their uniforms; they all ran up to Harley to show off their outfits. Ellen was Harry Potter, Danielle was a tree, Jacque was wearing a karate outfit, Lily had on some black clothes that made her look like a secret agent, Camden had on a tuxedo with a huge purple bowtie, Coco was a cat, and Amy was a cowboy. May could barely stand up from the weight of the drink dispenser. Harley applauded before leading them out into the wild, with a bleeding Max behind.

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**Yeah chapter four! Yeah! Ok yeah, um, so next chapter they're going to sell cookies! Yeah! R&R!**


	5. Homemade Cookies and Blasting them Tunes

**Wow this chapter's kindda short but you'll get over it. **

**Disclaimer: WE DON'T OWN POKEMON!

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"Come on kiddies! Time to sell some cookies!!!" yelled Harley, reaching into his huge man-purse and pulling out some poorly packaged homemade cookies.

"I thought we were going to sell Girl Scout Cookies." said Julia, eyeing the packaged cookies as if they had dead things in them. She wouldn't put it past Harley to add road kill and sell it to poor innocent people.

"Of course they are authentic! That would be wrong to sell people something they don't want." said Harley, leaning down to tell them the real truth.

"I baked all of these cookies last night in the microwave last night while watching Oprah. This way, I can take all the profits and not have to pay those other people to make them for me!" whispered Harley, giggling at his own brilliance. "And mine are far better anyways."

"That's not true!" May said, stepping up dramatically to Harley, but was shut down immediately by the fact that Harley was freakishly tall.

"Oh really?" said Harley, keeping his plastic smile on his face at all times. He had his man-purse by his side incase May wanted to make something of it.

"No, I was lying." she said, hiding behind Jacque, who punched her in the face.

"I like to make people cry." said Jacque, as May ran around screaming. Camden offered to pose as her attorney.

"Okay scouts, we're off to the Supermarket!" exclaimed Harley, stuffing all of the kids into his mini van. It was a disgusting car, poorly spray-painted pink and had a picture of the Harley on the hood.

"Let's blast some tunes, yo!" cried Harley, turning on his stereo which began to play "London Bridge" by Fergie.

"This right here, my children, is the way my love life goes!" said Harley, taking his hands off the wheel so he could see them all better.

"Um, you do know this is a _girl _singing about _guy_, right?" asked Lily, slightly disturbed.

"Yeah I know!" Harley answered, smiling proudly.

"Um…"

"Hey, there's a slaughter house!" exclaimed Mary in complete shock, for she was a vegetarian. Actually, the slaughter house was right next to the motel, but Harley was only moving 0.5 miles per hour.

"I have the right to remain silent!" shouted Camden, for absolutely no reason in particular. He probably just needed to have an excuse to talk. "I can get to the supermarket faster if I were to just walk, it's right down the street!"

Even though they were on the highway, with cars whizzing by at over 100 miles and hour, Harley put on the brakes and turned around to have a little man-to-scout chat.

"Listen here toots," Harley said, not minding that there were cars rolling around outside to avoid a collision. "If you have a problem with my driving, I have a problem with you!" Harley grabbed Camden by his bowtie and tried to throw him out the mini van window, but the window wasn't opened.

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**There you have it! Next chapter they meet some old rivals...well, Harley's anyway. AND OMG DREW'S IN THE NEXT CHAPTER! Finally.**


	6. Oh My Goodie goodness, It’s 987344!

**DREW'S IN THIS CHAPTER WE SWEAR!**

**Disclaimer: Muzuki says that Masami is not cool enough to own pokemon.**

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After much arguing and changes of drivers (Kelly tried to hijack Harley's car), Danielle finally managed to park the car in the parking lot. Harley jumped out of the trunk, grabbed the few boxes of cookies and a table, and set up a cookie-buying stand outside the electric sliding doors at the entrance of the supermarket. Max had been hiding in the trunk as well, so he managed to stop bleeding on the way, which lasted for most of the day.

"Okay girlies, time to make some money for Harley! I mean, raise funds to donate to the poor. Ya'll stay out her and yell at old people, while I tackle those who enter the store without buying anything from us." With that, Harley positioned himself hidden from view next to the sliding doors.

"Hey, who are those guys?" asked May, as she watched three people set up a table identical to theirs, only nicer looking and not covered in barf from the earlier incident. Harley paused as he took a good look at their visitors as well, and gasped.

"Troop 987344…" he whispered.

"Who?" asked Mary, who was spitting out one of Harley's cookies she had snuck when he wasn't looking.

"They're my rival troop!" answered Harley. "We've been enemies for the past 47 years."

"Um, you haven't been alive for 47 years…" said Julia.

"Well, if it isn't troop…uh…I forget." said a woman, appearing to be the same age as Harley.

"Troop 7819443585!" said Harley.

"Isn't that your phone number?" asked the man of the troop. Harley nodded and made a pretend phone with his hands mouthing the man to call him.

"Well, go away! This is our territory!" roared the other woman, who was extremely loud, maybe even louder than Kelly if possible.

"Bite me!" said Harley, ready to throw some of his prized cookies at the other troop to scare them away.

The verbal fight quickly turned into a marketing fight. The other troop, made up of Jesse and James (formerly part of Team Rocket until Giovanni finally got around to firing them) and their troop leader Miranda, had found a megaphone somewhere that they were using for their evil purposes. Luckily for Troop Harley, they had Camden the marketing genius. Before long, there were national commercials and live broadcasts, covering the battle of the cookies. People all over the world, including George Bush, Oprah, Fergie, and the Pope, had tuned in via radio and satellite. All the other networks were complaining that the ratings of their shows were going down because this "stupid competition" was getting all the ratings.

An unsuspecting Drew in a sweat suit jogged towards the scene. He had been working out his eleven year old body all day, and was on his way to buy some more Slimfast. He saw the girl scouts, then Harley juggling for a crowd of potential buyers, and turned around to leave. He didn't like to associate with those kinds of people.

"Drew! Hey, Drew over here!" yelled May or Harley, Drew couldn't tell which. He spun around to see who was calling, but he found himself in a headlock a few seconds later.

"Buy some cookies sweetie!" yelled Harry Potter Ellen, driving Drew's head into the ground. He was throwing punches, trying to protect his perfect green hair.

May tackled Ellen, pulling Drew up from the floor. A man almost ran them over, running in the other direction away from a screaming Harley.

"Are you alright Drew dear?" said May, kicking dirt in his face before pushing him into a wall. Drew was thinking that he was more of a punching bag rather than a boyfriend.

"Yeah, just awesome…why are you wearing a soda fountain?" he asked, questioning her attire.

"Why aren't you being an individual?" she asked, feeling very superior for once in her depressing life. She tried to show off her fountain figure to Drew, but only managed to push him to the ground again.

"Hey Drew!!! Guess who?" said Harley, covering Drew's eyes from behind and giggling. Drew was feeling very claustrophobic. The walls were closing in!!!

"HI YA!" yelled Drew, pulling some of his best karate moves on May, whose stupid form was in his way.

"Drew! You're hurting me!" said May, trying to stand up but found her uniform too heavy.

"You people are so creepy!" yelled Drew, pushing Harley and May away.

"Oh my god, THE Drew works out!" squealed Harley, noticing Drew's sweat suit.

"Must maintain a good appearance for the fans." said Drew, feeling very uncomfortable.

Harley ran back to his cookie booth at an alarmingly fast pace and returned with cookies, which he threw at Drew.

"Buy some cookies hun?" he asked, blowing kisses and looking all around questionable.

"Um, I'm on a diet you know Harley." said Drew. It was either Slimfast or cardboard for Drew.

"Oh come on! Live a little and help me move out of my motel room!" said Harley, forcing the cookies into Drew's hands and attempting to locate Drew's wallet.

"Okay, okay, I'll buy the cookies. Could I have some Thin Mints if anything." said Drew. He reasoned that if the name had the word "thin" in it, it must be okay.

"Okie dokies kiddo!" said Harley, feeling very excited that he didn't need to beat cookies into at least one of his customers. He ran off after a very old lady after he was done doing business with Drew.

"Okay May," said Drew, wanting to get back to his run. May grabbed his hand instead and pulled him over to the booth again.

"Drew, I want you to come to the Girl Scout Square Dance with me!" she said, not bothering to ask if he was busy with coordinator stuff. Harley had dropped competitions for a little while to work with the scouts himself.

"Alright May fine." said Drew, almost walking away before questioning May again. "Wait, a square dance?! I don't dance!" exclaimed Drew, getting very nervous. "I thought we went over this last time you tried to drag me into one of those after Grand Festival parties? I'm not a dancer!"

"Well, take some ballet beforehand!" said May, before running into the crowd of people trying to escape Harley.

"Why are all these people here anyways?" asked Drew, noticing that most of the small town was running into the store or away from the girl scouts' booth.

May stopped beating a group of school children towards the cookies and ran back to Drew.

"That was Camden and Harley's idea. See, Harley flattered his way into the water controls to the town and we dumped sewage in the main pipes that housed the entire town's water supply. After that, we contaminated all of the food that goes to every supermarket in the next ten miles other than this one!" said May, seeming to feel very proud that she had so much panic and discomfort to the population of the town. Harley himself knew four people had already died, but he still smiled and kept that information to himself.

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**Review!**


	7. Other Stuff

**Disclaimer: We wrote this.

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After being arrested numerous times when attempting to flee the country, Harley managed to get back to the Girl Scout lair.

"How much money did we make?" asked Harley, forgetting that they hadn't sold any cookies.

"Well, according to my calculations, after being charged for our overnight stay in the city jail, we made around negative 400.50 dollars!" said Camden, throwing his sidekick at Lily, who began to draw on it.

"Oh, well, 'a penny saved is a penny earned'!" said Harley, trying to look on the bright side of things.

"That didn't make any sense." said Julia.

"But I love Ben Franklin! He's a hotty." said Harley, who didn't know who Ben Franklin really was. "He's the one on the front of the penny, right?"

Ellen gave Harley a sideways glance. "No. You don't know much about American History, do you?"

"What's an America?" Harley asked, feeling a little confused at these strange names.

"Oh, nothing." said Mary, pulling out another one of her sandwiches. Kelly slapped the sandwich out of Mary's hand, causing the peanut butter inside to splatter on the motel wall. Harley stared at in awe for a few seconds before hit with an idea that felt like a ton of bricks. Actually, it was May trampling him to lick the peanut butter off the wall. The idea came after he had regained conciseness.

"We should rent a place for our Elevendy-5th Annual Girl Scout Square Dance! And decorate it with all my favorite colors!" Harley said, pushing May to the floor to further examine the half-eaten sandwich.

"Hey Camden, do you know of any good places we can lease for our dance?" asked May politely, wiping away the extra peanut butter.

"Well, there is this one place I go to on Saturdays." said Camden, thinking hard. "But I don't know where it is."

May pulled out a gun and aimed it at Harley.

"Tell me where your place is, or I'll shoot." said May, who would probably shoot Harley anyways. She had taken many self defense classes in preschool.

Harley screamed, cracking the only window in the motel room and causing severe brain damage to Amy, who still had all her brain cells.

"I LEFT THE OVEN ON!!!" he screamed, pushing May to the floor and grabbing the gun out of her hand. He skipped over to the microwave and ripped off the door, revealing a new batch of "cookies", as Harley would say. Last time he had made cookies the FBI was called in to investigate and the head of the North Korean Nuclear Program was brought over to take the cookies back to France.

Harley put the cookies on the floor and turned to the refrigerator to find something else to add while fighting Lily away from the cookies so that they wouldn't become her new canvas.

"Hummm." he said, looking at the empty tuna cans and cat food; the only food he had at the moment. "The cookies need something else…" Looking around the room, he noticed May's little brother looking in the broken window that was spattered with blood. Harley smiled.

"I'll be back girlies!" said Harley, as he ran out the door. Max was looking for his broken glasses that had been shattered by Harley's voice.

"Hey kiddo, you wanna help me with some baking?" asked Harley, kneeling down because he was freakishly tall and Max is like three feet tall.

"Um…I think I'd have to ask my mom okay never mind! I love cookies!" said Max, running into the motel room. He paused when he saw May being chewed on.

"Hi May! I'm a girl scout too!" said Max, jumping up and down like a crazy person before curling up in a ball on the floor. Harley looked at Max thoughtfully before taking May's gun that was still in his hand and pointing it at Max and taking off the safety.

"Get in the microwave." said Harley, smiling sweetly at Max, who was on his feet and running to his fate.

"NOOOO!" yelled May, tackling Max while still wearing the soda fountain. "He's my brother you freak! Not some ingredient for your cookies!"

Max shook his head and pushed May off of him.

"But I must obey." said Max seriously, putting a foot in the microwave.

"No!" said Harley, pointing the gun back at Max. "Maxwell will give us the directions to that Chinese karaoke bar that Camden goes to on Saturdays."

Camden looked confused. "How did you know I go there?" he asked, feeling personally offended at the fact that he couldn't keep secrets.

"I have my ways," said Harley, pointing the gun at the door. He himself used to work at the place when he was a kid and still went there every so often to dazzle the audience with his versions of "Harleylicious", which leaving his pokemon with one of the drunks in the corner. "Let's go." he said, handing the keys over to Danielle before jumping in his mini van and buckling himself into his carseat.


	8. Young Kids Like Fat Chow Karaoke

**Okay, we're sooooo sorry we haven't updated in a while!...WE HAVE LIVES! AND CHILDREN!...no we don't, but we can't think of a better excuse. **

**Disclaimer: Okay, since my frind and I are waeing eye liner, we clearly don't own pokemon. So there.**

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Once Harley pushed everyone out of the car, May somehow got away from the group and sat down in a corner to cry. It was a habit of hers nowadays.

_I have lived far too long, but Girl Scouts has made me see the light_, she thought. Unfortunately, it was only the headlights of Harley's mini van closing in on her. Camden had hijacked the car from Kelly, who had tried to behead Max using the automatic windows. May was screaming, stuck between the wall of the building and the mini van. Harley managed to wrestle Camden away from the steering wheel, but once he had the car to himself, he realized he still didn't know the break peddle from the gas. Taking a guess, he pushed down hard on the break peddle, stopping the vehicle. But his high-heeled shoes broke through the plastic. When he reached down to free his prized stilettos, his hand came down hard on the gas.

After returning from the hospital, since they found out that most of the workers had died during the famine that Camden and Harley had masterminded, they finally entered the karaoke room with May trailing behind with many broken limbs and such.

"This is my hot spot!" said Harley, running up onto the small platform and dancing around in circles.

"It's not so good for a Mosh pit really." said Julia, examining the chairs scattered all over the room. "There's too much stuff to run into."

Harley stopped belly dancing for a few seconds and started lighting chairs on fire and shooting them with the gun he had in his newly-found pockets. After a few minutes, the chairs were mostly piles of splinters on the ground. Max and Lily had almost been impaled with the wood bits and Camden was trying to floss his teeth like the pioneers had done with branches. Kelly was randomly bleeding on the floor, even though Jacquie was the one Harley had trampled.

"Okay, now that the floor is cleared, we need some color in this room!" Harley yelled, running out to the mini van and grabbing some crayons.

Max ran into the room, avoiding piles of burning wood to grab a crayon for himself.

"Excuse me Mr….um, I don't know your last name." he said to Harley

"ZOMG me neither!" Harley said, trying to force-feed Max a purple crayon.

Lily and Kelly and Caroline had Sonic characters all over the walls, while Camden was mapping out his new stock market strategies. Max was drawing some kind of porn and May was writing emo-like poetry.

Harley sat back and examined the work of the girl scouts.

"You all have gone so far with your creativity! I'm so not proud but I'll act like it anyways." he whispered to himself.

"I think I'm going to have a salad!" Mary cried trying to eat the hair off of Amy's head.

"Nooo! I'm too beautiful to be eaten!" Amy shrieked as she violently punched Jacquie in the stomach.

"AH! You loser!" Jacquie grimaced as she pounced on Amy causing the two to collide into Robin who was preaching to near by children.

Kelly and Caroline were sitting in an isolated corner while watching the pointless feud until Mary came and offered them carrots so they sprayed her in the eyes with pepper spry.

"MY EYES!" Mary whined as she pounded her fist on the ground causing drips of blood to trickle down her palm.

"No children, violence is _wrong_." Harley said as he finished punching his last blow to Max, who was nothing but a bloody corpse on the ground.

"You're right I'm sorry!" Julia cheered brightly.

"…But you weren't even in the fight…" Max said as he dragged himself across the floor with what remained of his arms.

"Well!" Julia scoffed as she stubbornly sat herself on the floor.

"Hey, aren't we supposed to be having a square dance or something?" May asked as she jumped down from the table.

"Oh yeah…" Lily said as she joined the others who were now in a circle.

"Alright, let's write some invitations to our friends and family!" said Robin, taking out some paper and writing a square dance invitation to Danielle, who was sitting just feet away from her.

"Sounds like a plan!" said May, grabbing some paper and writing a very hateful letter to her mother and grandmother.

It took a few hours to get their sentences making sense, but you know how it is with a few 8, 10, 6, and 25 years olds.

"Okie dokies, I'll just hang these on the billboard outside my motel room and we'll go home and get changed for the dance!" Harley said. He squealed to himself when he thought back to the outfit he was going to wear. It was "soooooooooooo cute"!

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**Apperently, pine cones are going to take over the world cuz my friend so. There ya have it, review please!**


	9. The Outfitter

**Author's Note: Okay, so a lot of people reading this probably don't like/support Tensionshipping. FYI, one of the authors of this story doesn't like/support it either, and I'm just doing this for fun. This story is something to be enjoyed and not analyzed. They're odd shippings for an odd story. Don't go crazy over Drew and Max being in love with Harley or whatever.**

**Disclaimer: One day I will own Pokemon. Just not today.**

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Once Harley was done coating the sign with nicotine, he went to get changed for the dance.

Rummaging through piles of clothes, he couldn't find anything to wear.

"Back when I was eight, I always used to know what to wear to these kinds of functions!" he said, sifting through pairs of different colored underwear.

Max couldn't take watching Harley trying to decided what to wear.

"Are you fashionably retarded Harley?" Max said, in his ever quiet voice, though he was trying to be flirty. "You need expert help." he said, pushing Harley out of the closet and opening a box with a pair of shoes for every day of the week; all exactly alike.

"I wouldn't know what to dress like. This is all so stressful." Harley said, slouching in a chair.

"No, you've just been watching too much Dr. Phil." Max said. "I cry every time I see it."

"But getting back onto topic…" he added quickly watching Harley rise from his chair. "We need to get you an outfit for the dance."

"Oooh! Right-o!" Harley squealed.

"Okay, how about we get you a hat…"

"…But I already have a hat! Why do I need another one?"

"No, a better one!"

"What can be better than dressing like my dear friend Cacturn?"

"…"

"…Okay fine, pick me out a _better _hat."

Max smiled. "Alrighty, I'll get you one right away!" he exclaimed beginning to rummage through the many boxes Harley stored in his motel room closet.

Harley smiled uneasily as he watched Max sort through his things, but became easily distracted when a fly began buzzing around his head.

"How 'bout this?" Max asked holding up a pink cowboy hat with bright green feather/fuzzy stuff circling around it.

"It's perfect!" Harley cried, snatching the hat from Max and placing it on his head. "What about the rest though?"

Max turned back to the closet and found a pair of yellow jeans and blue chaps, which for some reason Harley was in possession of. He carefully matched the bottoms to a magenta shirt.

"Oh, it's such a lovely outfit!" Harley exclaimed, taking the clothes away from Max and running into his refrigerator to change.

Max sat there for a few minutes, a Jirachi prayer candle in his hand and a Bible in the other. He wondered what May was up to.

_She's probably in Norman's closet, trying on his high-heals from his cross-dressing days,_ he thought, burning his arm with the candle for good luck.

Harley ran out of the fridge, the hat too big for him and the pants too small, but Max thought he looked beautiful.

Harley looked in one of his mirrors for a second. He wasn't one for putting on make-up or anything like that, but he did like to look at himself.

"You're very pretty Harley." Max said, half to himself before setting part of the carpet on fire with the candle.

"What's that hun?" Harley asked, having not picked up on any sound. He skipped out the door at that. There was a crowd of people gathered around the sign he had put up for the party, but Harley was already over smoking.

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**We don't smoke. No worries.**


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